Debra Hamilton, Esq. is a Conflict Consultant/Coach & Mediator specializing in animal-related disputes. Her article “The Animal in the Room: Mastering Human Conflicts Over Beloved Pets” explores communication strategies for resolving pet-related conflicts.
“Good fences make good neighbors,
but better conversations make the best neighbors.”
— Unknown
Nothing tests neighborly relationships, like pet-related conflicts. The barking dog next door during your important Zoom call. The cat that uses your garden as a litter box. The territorial dispute over a shared fence line.
These situations create challenges because, unlike many other conflicts, they involve relationships that need to continue long after the immediate issue is resolved. You can’t simply “win” and walk away, you still have to live next door to each other.
In my work mediating neighborhood pet disputes, I’ve discovered one question that transforms these potentially volatile situations: “Is this something we have to agree on right now?”
This simple inquiry often reveals that immediate resolution isn’t necessary, which removes the pressure and creates space for more thoughtful discussion. When neighbors feel rushed to solve a problem, they typically retreat to defensive positions. When given time to consider options, creative solutions emerge.
The power of acknowledgment is also particularly effective in neighbor disputes. Consider these two approaches:
Approach 1: “Your dog’s barking violates the noise ordinance. You need to make it stop immediately.”
Approach 2: “I understand that dogs bark—it’s what they do—and I know you probably don’t hear it the same way I do. I’ve been working from home, and the barking is making it difficult for me to conduct video meetings. Could we talk about some possible solutions that might work for both of us?”
The second approach acknowledges the pet owner’s perspective before requesting change, dramatically increasing the likelihood of cooperation rather than defensiveness.
I recently helped resolve a dispute between neighbors where one family’s new puppy was constantly barking while they were at work. The affected neighbor initially demanded they “get rid of the dog.” After facilitating a conversation where both sides acknowledged each other’s positions, the dog owner’s attachment to their pet and the neighbor’s right to reasonable quiet, they developed a multi-part solution including doggy daycare three days a week, sound-dampening fence panels, and a gradual training program.
What made this resolution possible was creating space for understanding before jumping to solutions. Each side needed to feel heard before they could hear the other.
Have you faced challenges with neighbors over pets? What approaches helped resolve the situation, or what made it worse?
