Debra Hamilton, Esq. is a Conflict Consultant/Coach & Mediator specializing in animal-related disputes. Her article “The Animal in the Room: Mastering Human Conflicts Over Beloved Pets” explores communication strategies for resolving pet-related conflicts.
“Our pets are our family, and like all family members,
their future care deserves thoughtful planning and clear communication.”
— Debra Hamilton
When clients approach me about including pets in their estate plans, most focus exclusively on the legal documents—trusts, wills, and care directives. While these are certainly important, I’ve learned through years of mediation that the most successful pet estate plans hinge on something else entirely: clear communication with potential future caregivers.
These conversations are inherently challenging. They require us to discuss our mortality, ask favors that might not be convenient, and address financial considerations that can feel awkward. This is precisely why having a communication framework is essential.
When facilitating these discussions with clients and their families, I recommend starting with a clear statement of purpose: “I want to discuss arrangements for [pet’s name]’s care if something happens to me, and I’d like to leave feeling confident that we have a plan everyone understands and accepts. Can we work toward that today?”
This approach does three critical things:
- It names the specific topic to be discussed
- It establishes the desired outcome
- It seeks agreement on the purpose before diving into details
What makes these conversations particularly sensitive is that family members often feel pressured to immediately agree to care for a pet out of love or obligation, even when they have legitimate concerns. This is where separating acknowledgment from agreement becomes crucial.
I encourage potential pet guardians to say things like, “I understand how important Bella is to you, and I’m honored you’d trust me with her care. I’d like some time to think about whether I can provide the environment she would need.”
This acknowledgment without immediate commitment creates space for honest consideration, leading to more sustainable arrangements than those made under pressure. Remember: a reluctant “yes” in the moment often becomes a problematic situation for the pet later.
I recently worked with a client who had assumed her daughter would care for her three cats if needed. When we facilitated a proper conversation, the daughter revealed she was planning to move overseas within five years, information that completely changed the necessary planning. Because this emerged in a supportive conversation rather than after my client’s death, alternative arrangements could be made.
If you have pets, have you explicitly discussed their future care with potential guardians? If you’re named in someone’s pet care plans, have you honestly assessed your willingness and ability to fulfill those wishes?
These conversations may be uncomfortable, but they’re far less difficult than the alternatives that arise when wishes are assumed rather than discussed.
