{"id":214,"date":"2012-01-31T16:02:00","date_gmt":"2012-01-31T16:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.new.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/the-moments-of-tragedy\/"},"modified":"2014-05-12T15:15:06","modified_gmt":"2014-05-12T15:15:06","slug":"the-moments-of-tragedy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/the-moments-of-tragedy\/","title":{"rendered":"The Moments of Tragedy"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/300_nick_cm_12912.jpg\" style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"><img decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/300_nick_cm_12912.jpg\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/300_nick_cm_12912.jpg\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" \/><\/noscript><\/a><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">I received several emails from colleagues, who know what I do, asking me to comment on what may have been done to avoid the tragedy of Rocco and Nick<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">If you have not read the story of Nick &amp; Rocco, I attached the link below.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Here is a short synopsis<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">A gentleman, Nick, living in an upper west side condo adopted a dog, Rocco, a mix breed, pit bull like dog.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>The building in which Nick lived went \u2018pit-bull\u2019 free in 2010 and although his dog was grandfathered in, Nick\u2019s neighbors were not keen on the idea of Rocco having the right to stick around.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>This is how the story was written by the reported.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">According to the reporter, the harassment of Nick about Rocco continued and no venue was found or created for the much-needed discussion between dog owners, tenants and condo administration.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>It may have been avoided since, as humans, we steer clear of confrontational discussions.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>We know we should have them, we just prefer to be \u2018ostrich-like\u2019 and avoid them.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Maybe they will go away.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>In the end this one did in a way, anyone involved in the situation, may not have considered.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">No one was given the opportunity to speak about the situation they found themselves in, not the neighbors in fear of speaking to their dilemma, not Nick who was on the horns of a huge dilemma of his own.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">In the end, Nick put his dog to sleep.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>A young and healthy companion whom he felt he could no longer keep or protect.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Two days later, after distributing all of his \u2018dog items\u2019 Nick was found dead in his apartment, from an overdose of pills and a broken heart for letting his dog down.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><br \/><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">In this life, people do and say things for oh so many reasonmantle interpretations of which varies based on the kind of day you are having and the mood you are in.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>In this instance, neither side of this debate was given the opportunity to effectively speak to each other.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>It created an atmosphere of intolerance and intolerability.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">In my world of animal conflict resolution, the ability for tenants to have a valuable conversation, with all the warts and pimples, about a problem gives rise to a sense of understanding and respect.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>One would never believe, when the discussion first<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>began, that any resolution could happen among these people.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>The creation of the venue is key.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>The fact that all parties are together, asked to listen to themselves and to others, gives rise to a moment of clarity lost in the \u2018he said she said\u2019 world of rumor, gossip and innuendo.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">Had this condo known about mediation and how it can effectively offer a discussion group, overseen by a neutral mediator trained to help people in conflicts about animals, it may have given rise to a more accurate understanding of where these tenants were in this conflict and quite possibly could have avoided this tragic result<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">The tenants of this building will feel a level of remorse about this outcome.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Someone lost his life over the loss of an animal.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>They will think about it at odd times and wonder what if\u2026..<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">The tenants who spoke of the value Rocco had to Nick, specifically the beautiful temperament of the dog, may think, &#8216;if I\u2019d done more with my fellow tenants, Nick or Rocco&#8217;.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">In the end it should be seen as a learning experience.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Dogs are parts of the fabric of people\u2019s lives, especially dogs in big cities.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>They offen times are the only one who accepts you unconditionally.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">Dogs are worrisome to people who do not own dogs or have an organic fear of dogs.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>This fear is real and they feel resentful when it is not respected.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">In this case, we will never know if a mediated discussion would have made a difference.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>In my experience, how one party feels is usually news to the other party.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>In fact, if they are made aware of how they make another feel they feel uncomfortable.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>No one wants to be seen as \u2018outside the norm\u2019, the bad guy.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">It is the root of all-evil that<b style=\"mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;\"><i style=\"mso-bidi-font-style: normal;\"> need<\/i><\/b> for a difficult conversation. <o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><br \/><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">No one wants to be the first one to open Pandora\u2019s box.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Especially in an animal conflict, where emotions run high and very little temperate zone exists between the \u2018have\u2019s\u2019 and \u2018have-nots\u2019.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">This tragedy brings into clear relief the moment in time we wish we could get back.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>The moment when Nick got Rosco, when the rule went into effect, when the harassment occurred, when Nick could no longer handle the strife, when all things were over for Nick because of his decision for Rocco.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">These moments are quick and life altering.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Had Nick picked a smaller dog, had the building not instituted a breed specific band, had whatever level of harassment been nipped in the bud, had Nick ignored the harassment, had the tenants realized the turmoil they were creating by their harassment, had Nick reached out for help before putting Rocco down, had Nick reached out for help after putting Rocco down?<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">So many forks in the road any one of which had someone taken it may have resulted a very different set of circumstance and realities.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><br \/><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">In these types of living situations the need for a discussion of the conflict, frankly and safely, is imperative.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Mediation creates this type of venue.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span><span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Mediation brings clarity to the listener and the speaker on what the other wants and what they themselves want.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span><o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">Tragic moments like this, which get away from us, spark new impetus toward better levels of communication. Moments of remorse and learning occur. Maybe a new way of handling this kind of disconnect will be explored. Mediation may be an answer whose time has come.<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">&#8211;<span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><em>Debra Hamilton<o:p><\/o:p><\/em><\/span><\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><br \/><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\"> HAMILTON LAW AND MEDITATION<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><em><span style=\"color: #eeeeee;\">Helping People Resolve Conflict Involving Animals without Litigation<o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/em><\/span><\/div>\n<p><\/p>\n<div style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/\"><span style=\"color: #eeeeee; font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\">www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-family: &quot;Times&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;\"><o:p><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n<span class=\"et_bloom_bottom_trigger\"><\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I received several emails from colleagues, who know what I do, asking me to comment on what may have been done to avoid the tragedy of Rocco and Nick If [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":304,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - 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