{"id":197,"date":"2012-05-25T00:46:00","date_gmt":"2012-05-25T00:46:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.new.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/tadb-take-a-deep-breath\/"},"modified":"2014-05-12T15:15:00","modified_gmt":"2014-05-12T15:15:00","slug":"tadb-take-a-deep-breath","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/tadb-take-a-deep-breath\/","title":{"rendered":"TADB-Take A Deep Breath"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"text-align: left;\">    <\/div>\n<p><\/p>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: left;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/breathe.jpg\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" height=\"200\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/breathe-300x188.jpg\" width=\"320\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 320px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 320\/200;\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/breathe-300x188.jpg\" width=\"320\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" \/><\/noscript><\/a><\/div>\n<div><b>\u201cTake A Deep Breath\u201d<\/b><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>In the work I do, Helping People Resolve Conflicts Involving Animals, I begin each mediation with one simple act.&nbsp;&nbsp; As I do it, I ask the parties to do it as well.&nbsp; It is, <b>\u201cTake A Deep Breath\u201d. (TADB)<u><\/u><\/b><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>This simple activity. \u2026breathing in\u2026..breathing out.\u2026lets the emotion that walks in the room with the parties and me, settle a bit before anything else starts.&nbsp; People often feel it is a bit out there, whoo whoo so to speak.&nbsp; Yet, in my practice, \u201cTADB\u201d is an awesome method of stopping the negative momentum that has brought my clients to my door, or at the very least, slowing it down so the process can start with a bit less angst.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>In a case I handled recently the parties were splitting and the pet was the only thing left to \u201cSPLIT\u201d!&nbsp; <\/div>\n<div>They both claimed that:<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 They loved the pet more<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 The pet loved them more<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 They paid all\/more of the Vet, Grooming and Kennel bills<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 They were responsible for all\/most of the pet care<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 The Pet was a gift<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 I bought it!<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>The list of who has and who has not done something is enormous.&nbsp; <\/div>\n<div>It seems the only thing they kept track of was the other parties inequity of relationship with the pet.&nbsp; This kind of \u2018tally taking\u2019 follows the concepts in a chapter of <i>Harry Beckwith &amp; Christine Clifford Beckwith\u2019s &nbsp;<\/i>book <b><i><u>\u201cYou, Inc.\u201d<\/u><\/i><\/b>&nbsp; <i>\u201cSuccessful relationships see sacrifice as clearly equal.&nbsp; Failing relationships see sacrifice as off balance.\u201d<\/i>&nbsp; This is a topic for another Blog Post.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>At the outset of mediation, participants often have a list of the slights and reasons why they should get the pet.&nbsp; I can see, from the moment they walked in the office, the benefit this couple will receive by participating in \u201cTADB\u201d (Take A Deep Breath).<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>In this instance we did the introductions, signed the agreement to mediate, answered questions about mediation and then, when they felt all the niceties were over and they were loading their guns for bear, I stepped in and asked all of us to first participate in what I call \u201cTADB\u201d.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>They were dumbfounded.&nbsp; What could this mean?&nbsp; Will it cost us more money?&nbsp; I explained I start all my mediations with this practice.&nbsp; I find it has an uncanny way of opening participants up to a new and interesting ways of solving their conflict.<\/div>\n<div>They were skeptical.&nbsp; What did those letters stand for? Lets see:<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 To Add Dollars to the Bill?&nbsp; <\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 Thinking And Doing Better? <\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 Try And Doubt Belief [mediation will work]? (most of my clients guess this one!)&nbsp; <\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>When I tell them it means <b>\u201cTake A Deep Breath\u201d,<\/b> I often get a chuckle:<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 Good, it isn\u2019t costing us anything<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 Great, this is easy<\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u2022 Boy, how much fun is this! <\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>In the scheme of this conflict, very often no one has ever stopped to take a deep breath.&nbsp; I speak to this in the first few minutes of the mediation as we breathe.&nbsp; It is at that moment when most of my clients stop and think, for the very first time, about why they are there.&nbsp; It is easy, painless and free since I don\u2019t count our time breathing as mediation time.&nbsp; It is such a fruitful exercise for thought provoking revelations.&nbsp; It is probably the most valuable part of what I do that day with these clients.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I thought for my blog today I would give all of you permission to \u201cTADB\u201d.&nbsp; Today, every time you are overwhelmed, angry or just confused stop and \u201cTADB\u201d.&nbsp; Close your eyes and breathe in\u2026..breathe out\u2026..breathe in\u2026..breathe out\u2026..breathe in\u2026..breathe out\u2026..&nbsp; Once accomplished it will amaze you how clearly you think.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>You can either continue down the difficult road or you can make a detour to something better.&nbsp; If you practice this enough, the choice to detour will come more frequently.&nbsp; You will come to know you don\u2019t like feeling at odds with yourself, forget about the feeling of \u2018at odds\u2019 with others!&nbsp; You will choose to stay the course and feel good, or detour and feel even better.&nbsp; It may enable you to hear people more clearly and be heard more clearly.&nbsp; Practicing \u201cTADB\u201d softens emotion.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I hope all of you spend this Memorial Day Weekend with those you love.&nbsp; You may have a chance to try out this process as you spend time with people you love, who may actually be able to drive you crazy.&nbsp; \u201cTADB\u201d, early and often.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Let me know how it <i>goes<\/i>.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Happy Memorial Day!!<\/div>\n<div><a href=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><i>\u2014Debra Vey Voda-Hamilton<\/i><\/a><\/div>\n<span class=\"et_bloom_bottom_trigger\"><\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cTake A Deep Breath\u201d In the work I do, Helping People Resolve Conflicts Involving Animals, I begin each mediation with one simple act.&nbsp;&nbsp; As I do it, I ask the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":296,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - 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