{"id":149,"date":"2013-09-13T18:42:00","date_gmt":"2013-09-13T18:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.new.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/managing-the-conflict\/"},"modified":"2014-05-12T15:14:34","modified_gmt":"2014-05-12T15:14:34","slug":"managing-the-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/managing-the-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"Managing the Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><!--StartFragment--> <\/p>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/4_third-side.jpg\" style=\"clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"><img decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/4_third-side.jpg\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/4_third-side.jpg\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" \/><\/noscript><\/a><\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;\"><o:p><br \/><!--StartFragment--> <\/o:p><\/div>\n<div>As I re-read Bill Ury\u2019s book, The Third Side (Penguin-1999-2000), a passage jumped out at me and begged to be explored further in a short blog.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>In the last 7 pages of Chapter 2, he speaks about Conflict Management and competition.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Never before has a process for resolving conflict been so clearly illustrated for me.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Ury used three words to describe the basics of conflict management; prevent, resolve, contain.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><a href=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/index-portrait.jpg\" style=\"clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;\"><img decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/index-portrait.jpg\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" src=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/index-portrait.jpg\" title=\"\" alt=\"\" \/><\/noscript><\/a>Our primitive ancestors, the hunter\/gatherers, proved this method of conflict resolution really worked.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>It eliminated conflicts between tribesmen because they recognized they all had to work together to survive.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>In fact Ury\u2019s studies indicated that for 99% of human history, homo sapiens used this method of managing conflict for their mere survival.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>It is only in the last 1% of human existence, when competition came into the mix, that aggression became the method of choice in conflict.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Prehistoric humans needed to work together for basic survival, thus the co-interdependent cavemen were actually more civilized than modern-day humans.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>As Ury states,<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>\u201carcheologists have found so little evidence of organized violence during the first 99% of human history.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>[T]hey worked hard to coexist.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>[M]ost conflict was handled constructively though coexistence and cooperation.\u201d<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>So what happened?<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Ury believes, when humankind settled down and became agrarian, the producers of food and product, they became competitive and protective of what it was they had and wanted.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>He uses the example of Jane Goodall\u2019s study of gorillas.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>Initial in her study, the gorillas willingly share the food she provided among the group.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>After several years of providing them with food, instead of being happy and at the ease receiving the food given by Goodall and continuing to share the bounty among each other, the gorillas became more aggressive and protective about their food.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>The act of providing food without the need for interdependent cooperation among the gorillas resulted in their acting protective about what was \u2018given\u2019 to them over what might be given to another or eschewed sharing.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Similarly in animal conflicts such as neighbor with the barking dog, the breeder with a difficult owner, the owner with a difficult breeder, the vet with a difficult client, the client with a vet who doesn\u2019t listen; they all have this same thing in common.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>They are competing to be right, to win, to keep more of the pie for themselves and not share.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">&nbsp; <\/span>It is difficult for them to even imagine working cooperatively with one another much less about work on a solution to the problem that might enhance their lives, not detract from it. It seems people prefer to avoid or become aggressive and fight over conflicts involving animals rather than address the conflict and find a mutually peaceful solution. <\/div>\n<p><!--EndFragment-->  <\/p>\n<div style=\"margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;\"><i>\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">By<\/a><\/i><span><i><a href=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/a><\/i><\/span><i><a href=\"https:\/\/www.hamiltonlawandmediation.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">Debra Vey Voda Hamilton Esq.\/Mediator<\/a><\/i><\/div>\n<p><\/p>\n<div style=\"clear: both; text-align: left;\"><\/div>\n<span class=\"et_bloom_bottom_trigger\"><\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As I re-read Bill Ury\u2019s book, The Third Side (Penguin-1999-2000), a passage jumped out at me and begged to be explored further in a short blog.&nbsp; In the last 7 [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":248,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - 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